Because we all can't be Johnny Depp, psychology has taught us that we are either intrinsically motivated or externally motivated.
External motivation is the most primitive type, you do things because of the reward you will get. Think of training a dog. You say sit 10 times, when the dog finally sits you give the a treat. After awhile the dog connects the command “sit” to a treat. The dog does not speak English, nor does he understand that sit is preferable than standing around and sadly he does not sit because he loves you and wants to make you happy. He does it for the tasty morsel you are holding captive until he does the “thing” to get the “thing”.
If I do A then I will get rewarded with B.
In the human world it might be candy if you finish your homework on time, an extra piece of cake you promised yourself for running the extra mile. It could be that promise of “intimate relations” that makes a man act right (side note short term happiness to a long term problem, but that is another post.)
If you do A then you will get rewarded with B.
It is not because you really want to but because of the reward you are getting for participating. This is a dangerous place to get stuck because your view of the world often turns into:
“Well, what they got for me?” “Gimmie gimmie gimmie” “I deserve that..imma take it” People who are extrinsically motivated basically have the mind of a 5 year old. Probably know the in and outs of the Kardashians, “Real” “Housewives”, up with all the trends etc. Because that is where they find value. I worked my ass off to afford this Gucci Belt “I deserved this.”
You really worked all those hours, not because of the positive impact that you are creating in your career for those around you, but for a belt created by a company that is making a full on mockery of its most “loyal” customers.
External motivation is the most primitive type, you do things because of the reward you will get. Think of training a dog. You say sit 10 times, when the dog finally sits you give the a treat. After awhile the dog connects the command “sit” to a treat. The dog does not speak English, nor does he understand that sit is preferable than standing around and sadly he does not sit because he loves you and wants to make you happy. He does it for the tasty morsel you are holding captive until he does the “thing” to get the “thing”.
If I do A then I will get rewarded with B.
In the human world it might be candy if you finish your homework on time, an extra piece of cake you promised yourself for running the extra mile. It could be that promise of “intimate relations” that makes a man act right (side note short term happiness to a long term problem, but that is another post.)
If you do A then you will get rewarded with B.
It is not because you really want to but because of the reward you are getting for participating. This is a dangerous place to get stuck because your view of the world often turns into:
“Well, what they got for me?” “Gimmie gimmie gimmie” “I deserve that..imma take it” People who are extrinsically motivated basically have the mind of a 5 year old. Probably know the in and outs of the Kardashians, “Real” “Housewives”, up with all the trends etc. Because that is where they find value. I worked my ass off to afford this Gucci Belt “I deserved this.”
You really worked all those hours, not because of the positive impact that you are creating in your career for those around you, but for a belt created by a company that is making a full on mockery of its most “loyal” customers.
Digest that and reflect for a moment...What motivates you?
Intrinsic motivation is more sophisticated. Your desire for success is not about what you will be given but because it comes from inside. You get that warm fuzzy feeling because it truly gives you joy to do well at this thing whatever it may be. For example, I write piano music because I love writing and creating music.
Intrinsic motivation is more sophisticated. Your desire for success is not about what you will be given but because it comes from inside. You get that warm fuzzy feeling because it truly gives you joy to do well at this thing whatever it may be. For example, I write piano music because I love writing and creating music.
So where is all of this going...
How do we learn to be motivated?
As children we are exposed to a lot of information that we cannot readily process. We are growing and changing daily while trying to figure out the world around it.
We navigate our surroundings and people around us based on
Getting to the point of this pencil sharpened with the double edged knife I like to call experience...
How do we learn to be motivated?
As children we are exposed to a lot of information that we cannot readily process. We are growing and changing daily while trying to figure out the world around it.
We navigate our surroundings and people around us based on
- What they can do to help?
- Can this thing/person give me what I want?
- What do I really want?
- Do the things I want really make me happy?
- What makes me happy?
- How long will these things make me happy?
- Will I be willing to do all of that over again to get that thing?
- How much of your happiness relies on other people/things?
- How motivated are you to control your own happiness?
Getting to the point of this pencil sharpened with the double edged knife I like to call experience...
Black families love motivate by saying what you can’t do. This creates an extrinsic motivation cycle. “Imma do it because so and so said I can’t.” “Oh, Uncle so and so is talking mess. Watch me!” and my all time favorite "This goes out to all the teachers that said I would never amount to nothing." (Side note stop lying, you mad because you were asked to read out loud...)
Proving them wrong becomes the reward. I recently realized this was the reason I was so driven to work so hard for so long. I was told as a girl I couldn’t take body building in high school. Well guess what this girl did, I took bodybuilding, I passed the class and rubbed it in everyone's face.
The first girl to take bodybuilding, yes gather around me as I sit on the bench complaining about everything from the smell of the gym to the germs from the sweat. I didn’t want to be there, it didn’t bring me joy to be able to lift up moderately heavy things. I was doing it just to prove people wrong...or maybe prove myself right.
I briefly played Junior Varsity Volleyball in High School. I went from being the scorer of the team, to a last minute addition because I just wanted to be involved. The local newspaper wrote an article about me. No I wasn’t a starter, in my head I figured out I’m the finisher. I wasn’t particularly fast or strong but I “had heart and a smile that could light up New York City” (thanks Mr. Lalin, sorry for hitting you at tennis tryouts with my serve.) He actually encouraged me, supported me, gave me room to fail and grow and it was O.K. I didn’t have to be perfect the first time or the second or even at the conclusion of the season.
My mom thought it was strange that he was so encouraging, and kind and that I could have such a good time sucking at something. But of course she wouldn’t understand she would scream WRONG from her bedroom every time I miss played a piano note. I hated piano even though I was good at it, avoiding the opportunity of falling on my face so to speak was not a worthy reward. Imagine crossing a minefield for fun? Yeah, you are happy you made it to the other side but why?
Proving them wrong becomes the reward. I recently realized this was the reason I was so driven to work so hard for so long. I was told as a girl I couldn’t take body building in high school. Well guess what this girl did, I took bodybuilding, I passed the class and rubbed it in everyone's face.
The first girl to take bodybuilding, yes gather around me as I sit on the bench complaining about everything from the smell of the gym to the germs from the sweat. I didn’t want to be there, it didn’t bring me joy to be able to lift up moderately heavy things. I was doing it just to prove people wrong...or maybe prove myself right.
I briefly played Junior Varsity Volleyball in High School. I went from being the scorer of the team, to a last minute addition because I just wanted to be involved. The local newspaper wrote an article about me. No I wasn’t a starter, in my head I figured out I’m the finisher. I wasn’t particularly fast or strong but I “had heart and a smile that could light up New York City” (thanks Mr. Lalin, sorry for hitting you at tennis tryouts with my serve.) He actually encouraged me, supported me, gave me room to fail and grow and it was O.K. I didn’t have to be perfect the first time or the second or even at the conclusion of the season.
My mom thought it was strange that he was so encouraging, and kind and that I could have such a good time sucking at something. But of course she wouldn’t understand she would scream WRONG from her bedroom every time I miss played a piano note. I hated piano even though I was good at it, avoiding the opportunity of falling on my face so to speak was not a worthy reward. Imagine crossing a minefield for fun? Yeah, you are happy you made it to the other side but why?
I had no desire to “prove my mom wrong” because she was not leading by example. She was never musically inclined and her harsh opinions were useless to me. Disclaimer: I can say this now because I’m a grown adult, and I paid for this corner of the internet!
I was not motivated to play even though I was good at it. I quit talking about how I needed to focus on "my studies", malarkey I was a straight A student.
However, I loved volleyball even though I was freaking terrible! To this day ask me what my favorite sport is? Volleyball Beach trip? Picnic? I got a volleyball in my car! As for piano I picked it up again recently, after 15 years. Shortly after relocating my Mom shared the reason why she wanted me to play the piano. It was simply because when she was a child SHE was told by some stranger that she has “long pretty fingers” and should play the piano. Yeah...exactly. Regardless, now it makes me happy therefore I am motivated to play. It finally feels good because it is for me.
The concept “For me” for awhile, the idea of doing things for me use to make me feel selfish. But then I realized it is only selfish to the people who are trying to use me, or my skills, my ideas and my time for their own benefit with nothing to exchange. No one in this world is going to look out for you the way you do, remember that.
So I beg the question, what motivates you? Is it an internal drive fueled by curiosity and happiness or is it external where you are just doing things to prove your place in the world that will chew you up and spit you out without thinking twice?
If you are unsure, how do you feel at the end of the day?
Your answer will be as clear a that “d flat” that should have been a “c sharp” echoing up the staircase.
If you are unsure, how do you feel at the end of the day?
Your answer will be as clear a that “d flat” that should have been a “c sharp” echoing up the staircase.
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